Motherhood

This scene has become all too familiar in the last few weeks near bedtime. My three year old with big, fat, tears rolling down her cheeks, saying that she just loves me so much and she just wants me.

I cringe at my own internal struggle. I am tired. I want to relax. Actually talk to my husband for a few. Watch tv. Go to sleep. Read a book. Pick any of the above. Just give me 10 minutes, please…

But here is that little face so dear to me, needing me to wipe away those tears, tell her how much I love her, and wrap my arms around her and just let her relax into the safety of my arms for a few more minutes.

So we snuggle. I look into her big, beautiful eyes and tell her how much I love her and that I am proud of her. That she is so important to me. That nothing she could ever say or do would ever change that. She pats my cheeks, looks deep into my eyes and tells me that “I am her best friend”. And thanks me. Because she just “needed her mommy a little bit tonight.”

And my heart squeezes. Tears trickle down onto her hair as I hug her. How long before she won’t want me like this anymore? Before I’m not her best friend?

Motherhood is tiring friends. An all encompassing, life altering, bone weariness some days (especially when the baby is cutting her molars). But goodness, it is so worth it.

I love being a mom to my girls. And even when it’s hard. Even when I could use a break. Even when I wish I could put myself in a bubble so little hands can’t constantly touch me. I wouldn’t trade a minute of this crazy life I’ve been blessed with.

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Dear Piper,

You’ve been a part of our lives for seven months now. You are a delight and such a fun part of our family. You are my non-stop smiler, gigglebox, and little go-getter wrapped up in a lean 14 lb. body. 

You are such a happy baby, as long as you are awake. You smile constantly and bat those baby blues at us all day long. But goodness child, you NEVER sleep. I don’t know how a baby who takes three thirty minute cat naps a day and still wakes up a bajillion times a night can be in such a good mood, but you are. And we love you even though you don’t sleep, although we may love you more if you started…just saying.

Ever since you were in my belly, I knew that you were going to be a mover and a shaker. I called you ninja baby, because you never stopped moving. And you are still a little spitfire. Changing your diaper is about as easy as I would imagine it would be to wrestle an alligator. You roll, flip over, wiggle, and try to do any number of stealth baby moves in order to make the job near impossible. And you also think it’s a game and giggle the whole time you do it. Thanks for that.

You’ve been crawling for more than a month now, are pulling up on everything, crawling up stairs, and starting to try and cruise between furniture. Feel free to slow down; I am not sure I am ready for you to walk yet. Plus you look way too tiny to walk, but I don’t think that is going to stop you from doing anything.

One more thing. I know that you love me, but I promise that other people aren’t out to get you. You don’t have to scream like crazy anytime anyone other than me holds you. Like your Dad, or your Grandma, or anyone really. They love you, and giving me a five-minute break every once and awhile would be greatly appreciated.

Love,

Your tired momma

P.S.

You are so worth it. The countless sleepless nights. The worry about your hoarseness. The feeling that I may never have another minute to myself. Even though it’s hard sometimes, I wouldn’t trade a minute of being your mom.